Quiet

Last Thursday was a difficult day and I hid out at a friend's house to wait until the storm passed at my house.  I will never know the pain and hoplessness that one feels with addiction but I can see the darkness and sadness in my loved one's eyes.  After dinner I returned home with a sadness and sense of foreboding and almost turned around to run the other way but the quiet and relief of not having to worry any more made me stay.  As I wept on my husband' s back and strong shoulders I felt hope and promise for the future and for our eldest.  Now I pray and each day thank God for life and breath and a new start for this journey we call life.

Summer morning

Today is the first day of summer and the morning rain and cool breeze is very welcome.  I sit in my cozy chair on the sunporch and read and journal, as is my summer morning routine.  I'm reading a book about aging, I know its alittle soon, but I find it very helpful in "checking in with myself", as I journey through this next phase of life.  Anyway, the line today that jumped out at me was "it is only in the present that we learn to live".  So each days experiences are a lesson for life.  Learn from ALL of it. 

a difficult day

I watch as he walks with his son, and I see the joy in his eyes and the way he is so proud.  But underneath it all I know there is sadness and I feel his pain.  I try so hard to put on a good face so my grandson and his Daddy will think all is well.  It is so hard and at times I just want to give up, but I am a strong woman and this is my flesh and this is my calling to be there.  Today is Fathers Day and I try to make it special.  After his child leaves to go back to his Mother, we sit and talk and he trys to tell me how he feels and that he is getting better at all this.  I want to believe.  God hear my cry as I ask for wholeness and newness of life for this my eldest child.